it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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