I just pynch a tree in the face
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
handjob tips. give me some.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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