I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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