My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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