: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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