Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
