you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
