Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
