Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
