wanna go halves on a baby?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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