Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
