I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
