so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I party with great urgency now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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