and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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