New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That accounts for only three of the penises
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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