my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
