wakey wakey hands off snakey
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
