idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
