its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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