Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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