it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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