Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
