if i can run in heels then i can drive
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
