I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
