i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
