i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
