things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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