I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
