i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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