Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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