Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
