Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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