He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
