Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
