Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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