dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
