Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
