Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
