So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
