3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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