You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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