I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thank you for not boning my boss.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
