Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I love you.
Bad choice
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
