I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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