Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
