Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
