If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
