you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
