'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
