I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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