I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
