dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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