My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
