He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
